Theory of Loving and Romance

Love and Romance cannot be dealt simply, but there are several theories which can provide an guideline in romantic activities.

1. Traits Approach

Certain people are born to be popular from girls. Several research suggests characteristics of popular guys, but haven't reached a single set of lists. For example: sociability, integrity, intelligence.

2. Skills Approach

Being popular can be achieved by learning skills. This includes interpersonal skills, technical skills, and conceptual skills. But such stories are mostly traits driven, it is the trait that affects the skills (How much a person is sociable affects his interpersonal skills). But it is also true that the environment or past experiences can affect skills.

3. Style Approach

Several schools of studies have found that there are two dimensions in romantic behavior, task-oriented and relationship-oriented. These two are different dimensions, one can be task- and relationship- oriented at the same time. Such studies do not point out the effectiveness of the romantic behavior; there is little evidence that the (high, high) combination is more effective than the other styles.

4. Situational Approach

According to this study, a guy must adjust his style of relationship building, depending on the girl he is trying to hook-up with, and other contexts. Behaviors can be more girl-oriented or a guy-oriented. Also, the level of supportive/directive behavior should depend on the development level of the chic.

5. Contingency Approach

According to this set of theories, there is a type of man that suits a girl. This theory explains why every guy is not always perfect.

6. Expectancy Theory

Motivational theories can be divided into Contents theories and Process theories. Contents Theories focus on the basic needs of a human being; Maslow (1943) comes up with a hierarchical needs theory, to distinguish the types of needs of a human being. The Process theory focuses more on the underlying cognitive processes of motivation. The VIE theory suggests that a chic can be motivated to get together with you when, expectancy (probability of achieving a goal) or instrumentality (belief that certain actions would lead to desired results) are high.

7. Path-Goal Theory

This set of theory suggests that the guy's job is to clear out the path for the girl to get together with you. This would include, removing obstacles, providing support, defining goals. This would affect the girls motivation, affecting her action towards you.

8. LMX Theory

This theory suggests that there is an in-group and the out-group. The guy has a dyadic relationship between each girl. The girls in the in-group exchanges trust and values between each other, causing them to be more motivated towards you. On the contrary, the girls in the out-group only act towards you based on a formal contract. The important part of this theory, is that it challenges the traditional thought that guys treat girls in a collective way.

9. Goal Setting Theory

This theory points out that girls may be more motivated to accomplish higher goals. By putting a hurdle for you and the girl to get together, the girl may feel more excited and motivated towards you. The level of the hurdle should not be too hard for the girl that she looses motivation and effort. When applying this theory, one should be careful of the possibility that the girl may take too much risk.

10. Self Determination Theory

This theory points out the importance to differentiate intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation comes directly from your needs, and will affect your actions/motivations more directly. External factors may cause extrinsic motivation. Such motivation can be internalized by social conditions, which can greatly influence the influence of the girls actions.

11. Transformational Romance

There are Charismatic Lovers in this world who can influence and change the girl suddenly. Such characteristics are given by birth, and cannot be acquired. Transformational lovers will change and inspire the girl, where as normal transactional lovers are based on what they exchange with each other.

12. Authentic Romance

This theory focuses on true love. According to this theory, authentic romance comes from 4 factors, Self Awareness (understanding yourself), Internalized Moral Perspectives, Balanced Processing (open about own perspectives, objective in taking in other's opinions), and Relational Transparency. This approach reflects the recently growing needs of true love.

13. Team Romance

Such theories deal with the three possible actions in romance at an earlier stage. When the girl is in a group of people, the guy must go in to talk with her. Three questions for the guy is, 1) whether he should intervene into the girl now, or just let her do what she wants to for the moment (the hardest qeustion) 2) If intervening right now, should it be a more direct intervention, or should he just change the environment a bit, and 3) Should it be a task-oriented or relationship-oriented one?

14. Homosexual Romance

Past studies have focused on the fact that guys were meant to be with girls, and therefore homo-sexuals were inferior. But recent studies focus on the following 2 points: if the romance style is difference within hetero- and homo- sexual relationships, and why homo-sexual relationships are very low within the society? As for the 2nd question, the pipeline theory suggests that gay couples have only been started to be socially accepted, and didn't have the time to develop; building a relationship requires a longer time span. This hypothesis is not fully supported by empirical studies.

15. Culture and Romance

Depending on the culture, the romance styles of people change. The GLOBE study identified 9 cultural dimensions, each with its own characteristics. On the other hand, the study found that there are some common traits/characteristics that are favored across the world, regardless of the culture.

16. Recent Developments

Recent theory focuses on a more variety of romance, for example: homo-sexual, cross-cultural, or relationships that are prohibited by law. The Complexity Romance approach uses complexity science and treats romance as a interactive system between of dynamic, unpredictable agents that interact with each other in complex feedback networks. Shared Romance talks about open relationships, reflecting how relationships have gotten less stricter, and how technology have allowed us to have many different partners at the same time. The Romance of Love Theory focuses on the fact that the quality of Romance depends on how your partner perceives your self, rather than your real self. Also, e-Romance is another field which was opened up by technology.

*This is a Joke post, taken from my Leadership course. The original lecture was titled "Theories of Leadership and Motivation", and dealt with similar theories.